i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
