I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
