I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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