We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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