ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize