I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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