What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
