When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
