she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
