Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
