Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize