I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
