if i can run in heels then i can drive
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
