it hurts more in the daytime
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
did you just send me my own nude
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
