If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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