How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
