I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
