Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
