please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
