im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
