you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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