I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
