I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
