hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize