she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
