And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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