Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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