K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize