Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
