So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
