You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
