i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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