even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
