She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this just has baby written all over it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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