I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
