dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
