Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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