Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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