wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
