Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is classic penis vs brain.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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