3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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