At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
