It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
