I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
