I think I won the penis lottery.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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