thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
