no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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