He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
