I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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