And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
