Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
