Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
