Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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