tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
