just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
