I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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