loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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