sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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