I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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