I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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