I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
