I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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