Umm I'm too high to move.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
