i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
