I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
