Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
