She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
