I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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