Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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