I looked at my own cervix.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
