Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need a burrito and a hug.
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