Apparently you make a good broom.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
