Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
