Even the bartender felt bad for me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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