when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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