we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
