Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
