he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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