I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
