I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
