Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
